I never knew how people were so confident, I couldn’t understand how someone could be so carefree and outgoing. As a child I was very shy, I was quiet in school and would try and hide in the background. I had just assumed that this was life, and that this was who I am. But it’s not, confidence is not something you are given, but it is something that grows with you.
I gained my confidence at university. I moved here not knowing anyone. I had no friends who came to study at the same university, I hadn’t really made any online friends from freshers or course group chats. I knew if I didn’t put myself out there, I would not make friends. Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard to just throw yourself in there, but I kept telling myself I had to. I was nervous and would get clammy hands and have mini panic attacks, but now I look back and know that I just needed that push to get me over my boundaries. When I try and tell people that I used to be quiet they find it hard to believe as I’m so loud and friendly with everyone, I don’t hesitate to make new friends or speak up. The other thing people don’t believe is when I tell them how I gained my confidence.
The only thing I did was push myself. In my head I thought, if I just act confident people will think I am. From thereout I would try to act confident, I wouldn’t shy away. Even if that meant feeling scared and panicked. I forced myself to ask questions at my new job, instead of hiding away and being too scared to ask like I would normally do. I reached out to new people first and made friends. Those scary feelings slowly faded as I continued to ‘act confident’. Soon later I realised I was confident, and that I wasn’t acting anymore.
Over time the panic attacks, the clammy hands and shyness had faded away. I’m not trying to say that to be confident you just have to act it. You need to push yourself, guided by your own feelings, slowly pushing yourself further outside your comfort zone. I completely understand that sometimes it feels impossible, and that’s ok. You don’t need to jump up right now and start. It’s about baby steps and doing these steps when you are ready to. Yes, you need to push yourself out of the comfort zone, but only a little bit. Each time you do, that comfort zone will start to expand. It’ll expand to the point that you don’t feel nervous or scared to do the things you once did, as these now fall into your comfort zone.
It is not as simple as it sounds, and I know that many people will struggle more than others, this is once again normal and perfectly ok. It not a race against anyone but yourself. Don’t focus on others, instead focus on yourself, get to know yourself more, cross the boundaries when you feel ok to do so. Sometimes you might need to push yourself, but only do so if you feel safe to. It’s a slow process, and maybe doing this won’t work for you, but it’s always worth trying it. Not only has this made me more confident but I’m so much happier now. Of course, I still get nervous in situations, its completely normal, it would be strange if you didn’t get nervous or shy every now and then.
I don’t want people to read this and try to go straight from 0-100. Take the time to analyse yourself, figure out your overall goals and happiness. It’s a long process but if you take the time and listen to your mind, I have faith that you will get there.
Like always my inbox and Instagram DMs are always open to anyone who is struggling, if you have any questions or if you just want to speak to someone. You never have to go through anything alone. Remember that no matter what your current circumstances are, you are strong and beautiful and will get there.
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